Pov : Long Distance

” I fear no distance…
I fear no diferences between us ”

This is a subject that people discuss
And talk about quite often.
What? LDR’s.
I personally think each case is diferent
I can’t say to someone’s face that will surely work
Or surely fail. It depends.

It can be…
1.1. – Distance from state to state
1.1.1. – Distance from city to city
1.1.2. – Distance from country to country
1.1.3. – Distance from continent to continent

What I don’t like it’s when people bash
Someone who is in such situations…
It depends of whoever is on them.
And I’ve seen/heard quite some…
…Arguments from people :

1. You can’t see nor touch the person…

2. It’s NOT possible to fall in love
With someone FAR away

3. It just won’t work!

4. It’s a online thing…

5. Either jobless or underage people
Are not adviced
to maintain something as a LDR…

6. Part 1 : Why aren’t you interested in someone
From your own city/country ?

Part 2 : You’re beautiful,
We could go out at night have a drink
On the weekend and have some fun.

Part 3 : (leaves phone number)
Kiss.

7. The person can cheat or find someone else.

” I believe in Love, so I am supportive.
I think I already mentioned
In one post in this same page
Called Religion versus My Beliefs
You may check it out if you want… ”

Now answers from my point of view.

1. Alright, can’t touch…
Is it everything in a relationship?
Some people don’t even expect to be in such situation
Of distance. It happens.
In those cases let’s face it…
Tecnology can be and is helpful.
Even letters are.

+ Language isn’t a barrier either
As most countries or people learn english
And even if that’s not the case,
They could learn eachothers language.

+ You should ask yourself if you’re willing
1.1. To wait
1.2. To move to another city/state/country.
Someone has to take that step I believe…

2. It is possible and it happens.
Some just don’t find love or “true love”
In their own city even country.

3. This one is really common…
It won’t work if you’re either not dedicated
If things aren’t discussed between the two persons
If one stops believing/ loses faith.
Because it can work with pacience, comunication
Trust and effort.

4. This is even more common.
I’ve seen/ heard this one a lot.
I already stated some of my points of view above
Whoever says that, either…
1.1. wasn’t in that situation yet
1.2. or had something that failed.

But like I said previously,
It depends of the persons in it
And of the points I said above too
(Trust, effort, comunication, pacience)

5. “Are not adviced” …
They could even work
But it would something rather tough to maintain.
Not impossible, tho.

6. Part 1 : Just not interested.
Like I said things DO happen
And a person is not forced to fall in love
With someone from the same country or city.

Part 2 and 3 : No.
For me that seems like a convo
From someone who wants a flirt and such…
I personally do not approve, nor my conscience does.

7. Unfortunately, there is that possibility.
But we trust enough not to.
One who loves is faithful…
Otherwise I don’t think it was the true, real love….

I shall leave some quotes and such…

” Love knows no bondaries.
Love knows no distance
Is not judging and selfish either “.

” Out of sight is just…
Out of sight.
Never out of someone’s heart “.

“If it is meant to happen,
Sooner or later…
God will allow it to happen “.

Pov : Life Purpose

We are meant to do something
Something great…

Like I said in one post…
1. Relationships : Friendship, Family, Love
We already make a change in people’s lives by being born
And placed on Earth.
Then when we start meeting people , going to school
And having friends.
We can positive or negative influence and effects on lives.
Then towards a significant other
(by that I mean boyfriend/girlfriend,
husband/wife or family, even children)

2. Vocations, second purpose
We all have something we enjoy doing
So focus on that too, it can be really good
Not only for you, but for others as well.

Whether it’s arts related
(painting, drawing, sculping, acting,
writing, make up,….)
social works
(psychology, sociology, being a volunteer,….)

And others such as…
(cooking, photography, music,
modeling, health related jobs)

3. Set your goals 🙂

4. Religion
Many people seek for their path
In religion praying to their God or Gods
They search for answers for the questions they have
And seek forgivess…
In religion.

You can bring happiness to people’s lives
You have value
And you can make the diference!

Wake up Call II

One day, the nurse appeared
And I asked her what happened
She said “You were hit by a car…”
It was something diferent from the other reality I knew
Two old ladies tried to support me that time.
Less than a week later, the nurses called me
Gave a robe and a wheelchair. I had been transfered.

New place. Nice people.
I could wheel around in there.
Then I used another thing,
But I was still getting used to it…
My mom was able to appear more
And explained me the situation in detail.

— I was crossing the crossroad to the mall
I was with my mp3 on and two sirs in a jeep
Like this one…

Did not saw me…and I was knocked out by it
She said according to them that I said my name
Then went unconcious —

Afterwards :
I spent two weeks in total in there
Did a exam in my head (it was swollen)
Got a tooth removed.
Music was still my company in those times.
I missed my friends and family
I missed my home.

Back at home :
My hip was still injured but it recovered
After some time.
I was glad to be alive at least
I learned once
Not to take things for granted…

Wake up Call I

My turning point…
It was May 19th.
Or so they said…

…I woke up at a hospital bed
I couldn’t turn my head…
Otherwise I’d start feeling dizzy
Like I was going to fall…
My first reaction was to look to everything that surrounded me
Curtains, IV, few people around me in other beds.

I looked at my wrist…
The orange bracelet had my full name,
Adress, my mom’s number and my age…
I was…confused… (???)

“18? I turned 18 already?”
I started to check my body.
I had a sort of reduced robe covering me along the sheets.
My finger had a wound, still a scar today
I had a IV (I think it’s called IV in english)
Attached to my other wrist…I wouldn’t eat much.

My hip was hurt, I could barely move it
My head was hurting like hell…
I couldn’t remember anything…
The more I tried, the more my head would hurt.
All was foggy…memories were distant.

Then I checked the small table next to me
There was my suitcase, and a big brown envelope.
More information was there, I needed to know…
…Head trauma.

I had to almost all the time
Stay in that bed and push the bottom
A nurse would appear in case I needed anything…
I only saw my mother once per day for some minutes.

Pov : Bullying VII (Final Part)

12. Things were getting better.
I risked on a poetry contest…won the first place.
They would give me credits
and apreciate that I wrote poetry
My classmates would say that
I was good at that, PT and English.
Some started to support me.
It was already known that
I still was attending the psychologist…

13. There she told me that I was sad for a long time,
That it was not normal anymore…
Life was going well for me
Except the scars from bullying gave me dificulty to trust
I was often a loner
And most of my poems reflect a piece of that…
Or a certain chapter of my life.

“…My work was not in vain.
…My pain was not in vain.
…My purpose was found”.

14. I went to Estágio
(Working experience before finishing highschool)
Things got better, I met new people.
Had my amongst of frustrations,
But I was welcome in there
I felt like I belonged.
For 3/4 months I was there.

15. The Accident and Recovery.
I shall talk about it on another post…
My classmates would call me (like 2 or 3 called)
My teacher called, he was the one
Who told the rest of the class that I was in hospital;

They welcomed me back.
By the end of the grade,
Near the final presentation they stood by My side
Saying it would be alright
(Even the two guys who tormented me)

I was going back and foward,
Back and forward and was clearly nervous.
I suceeded in the presentation.
We all went through separate ways since.

I wasn’t bullied again in there.
The staff, the teachers
And all would respect me.
Same with students.
I was done with high school.

–END–

Pov : Bullying VI

7. Poisoned mind….
I won’t deny, they broke me.
I would sometimes cry myself to sleep…
There were times when I would shut my mouth
And tell no one about what I was going through
I didn’t want to make anyone worried…
Yes, I considered stuff in that time
I was a cutter back then as well…

My body? I was ashamed of it, every time in the bathroom
When my classmates would change clothes for physical ed.
I would lock myself in one cabine and dress there….
Or let them go then I’d change my clothes.

8. Tired body.
12th grade, October 2009 I hit bottom.
I was out of energy, getting out of bed was painful already.
Memories….looking at the mirror wasn’t exciting or anything
Going to school was a nightmare…
Cutting went on…they found about it eventually
My bracelets wouldn’t cover up the over 30 cuts that I had…
I dropped weight. I wouldn’t careless about eating…
Until I reached less than 48kgs…my rings would fall off my fingers…
…
I kept on attending the psychologist’s office
But the effects were temporary.
I was tired. My back would hurt without much reason
My legs and mostly my chest/heart area would hurt as well.
It was a alarm…I couldn’t stay happy anymore
I couldn’t pretend anymore….

9. Revelations.
I was to kill myself….
I didn’t.. I failed…my psychologist was really rough at that time
“It is not a painless way to go.
What about your family?
Think about it! I’ll be right back”.

There I was then…
I threw the razor in the trashbin.
We hugged eachother
She handled me a case with tissues
And said she was proud…

10. Revelations II
I had the guts… I felt ready.
It was time!
I started to get out of my shell.
And told to one of the girls in the class
About…well…cutting,
Suicide pretty much the things…

She said she never knew I was feeling like that
She spoke about me as a cool person…
It suprised me.
It was ironic how I helped my classmates
Through out the years
Yes I would help them…with works and tests…
And those were the “rewards” in the past….

11. Conversion I
I started again…I met a group of girls
(I noticed the style of one of them and approached her)
I asked if I could meet them ;
They agreed and we were a group for some time

They were awesome, one of them was clearly Christian
She said “You listen to agressive, screaming music…
I dare you to bring me your mp4
And I’ll give you some sugestions on music.
No wonder you feel so depressed and lost
Listen, God loves you, you just have to learn to accept Him
And let Him enter your life”.

Pov : Bullying V

“Too… late…
So tired!
It’s time to DO something…?

4. I started attending in 10th grade the school psychologist.
Actually, it wasn’t the nicest thing.
I appeared at her office crying my eyes out.
That’s how we met eachother.
She was with me for three years.
…I was getting first steps to a depression
I used to self harm as a coping method (cutting)
Because I honestly prefered to just…suffer physically
Than psychologically.
Everything was affecting me…from home…to school
Even my bf at the time, it was like nearly perfect the first months
But after the 6th month, we argued a lot.
I would go meet him near his classroom
He knew it and would leave me there waiting while he was playing on the pc.
Once he texted one of my commited friends instead.
And was capable of not saying anything for weeks and weeks in a row…

5. 12th Grade…almost over?
Depression got worse…
Near the end of 11th grade (May 2009) my bf broke up with me
The feeling was gone he said…11 months I was with him
It took four hard months to recover.
But to be the cherry on the damn top…
One of my “classmates” started to send me rude papers
Saying bad things about me…my style…
Another one of my classmates caught me with a bloody jacket sleeve
And confronted the other girl who sent the papers.

My style was changed again…I was losing the dark colors…
I still listened to the bands.
Once I gave one Slipknot song for them to listen
They were like “Eww…”. Oh well…

6. Sick…about physical Ed.
I hardly managed to attend the classes…
On 10th grade to make it up to the things that I failed (grades)
I had to do works, so I had like up to 4 or 5 theorical works to do.
I made them. I had a theorical test too…which I failed a couple of times.
Last time? I studied hard and got a 15 (from 0 to 20 scale)
I done the P.E. things later then others, but made them
Same with math. I had the 3 of 3 modules to do.
I done them all. One in 10th,
Other in 11th and the last in 12th grade.

Pov : Bullying IV

“No matter what I would do it was never enough…
…Things don’t have to be this way”.

More happened in highschool…
My so-called-classmates would still laugh at me
Specially physical ed. dance class.
I started to not bringing the material, to skip them
And not do any dancing.

I didn’t like the way they would stare
And definately not the laughter.
I would skip the class too
The skipping limit was too short…
So I would have to go to class 90% of the time.

The irony…
I was one of the best students in there
Well…at English and Portuguese mostly
Then other subjects as well.
So they would ask me not just for help
But to do their homework.
Which is USING someone.

Group work??
Two things could happen:
I would be picked to do a big part of the work
OR wouldn’t be picked at all.

Triggers?
1. I once was in one physical ed class.
No one wasn’t picking me again.
…I said, out loud “Estou farta disto!
(I had enough of this!)

…So one of them replied
“Estás farta disto? Olha, se estás farta então mata-te!”
(You had enough of this? Look, if you had enough then kill yourself!)

2. No one would want to be representing the class.
Yeah…so I said I would be.
Things did not go alright so it all went worse eventually.
They said I wasn’t good at that that I should leave
And two were constantly picking on me because they wanted to be that.
They pushed it to the limit that they left me crying and
Writting a letter of me going to no longer represent the class.
Three persons were against me. The rest was trying to support me…
I ripped the letter in front of those three, threw it to the floor and said:

“I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE because you want!
I am not going to allow you to replace my place”

Reactions : They were mad and still commenting
The others supporting me started to…clap…
And scream because they thought I wouldn’t actually confront them.
Not to say they started commenting on my bf at the time bla bla you don’t love him
“Shut up! I LOVE my boyfriend!!” and turned my back on the person.

End? Months later I did gave up as I was aware it was a lot for me.
I spoke with the class director of the time and told him
Honestly that I couldn’t go on but I made sure the class representative
And subclass representative places would go for the right persons
And not the two that were constantly tormenting me.
So that happened and the right people replaced me.

3. Not being a choice.
I once made a wake up call for them…
I wasn’t the only one being picked.
So, my teacher told me I would choose the groups
For football I believe.
I chose the worst in my class according to them.
I said to one of “I’d like you to know for once
What it feels like to be a choice
And not to be left out”
Of course they did not understand my action.
They thought I was…insane…

Pov : Bullying III

” Revolved and sad
You never took your time to know…
The real “Me” ”

Highschool.
End of Vacations. New school, new faces.
Fresh start? I eventually changed.
I was between agnostic and atheist.
My thoughts? No one was there for me when I was nearly beaten up.
People were there and did nothing.
Not even on the bus stop. Nor in the bus.

People just watched me being made fun of,
The guys pulling my hair…
So I stopped believing someone would be there
Or looking after me.
I started to change…my style became darker.
I started to…listen to other bands
Not the “trendy” things anymore.

My class was like 2 or 3 groups.
So I met some people…it felt so right first.
Until I found out they were making fun of me already
I was the reason for their laughters.
And …It was behind my back!
When I knew that, I stop being with them.
Only one person in there was supportive
The rest laughed of me (we were 20 in total)
The girls a grade ahead of me made fun of me
They would bring me down as well
Mostly due to my looks.
Then due to my way of walking.

Met my so called first bf who messed me up
By using me. Then another thing
I didn’t understood was
That my classmates when they had a bf/gf
No one would made fun of them or comment much.
They would wish them to be happy
…But when I had someone by my side
People would comment even spread rumours.
That happened to the person
I was with after some time.
People were nosey. People were…mean.

I just was myself.
I wasn’t messing around with anyone.
Those things alone were hurting me,
So I isolated.

More actions?
Some would leave me behind in Psysical Ed
No one would be pairs with me.
They would give excuses.
I wasn’t perfect nor moved like the rest.
But I wasn’t rude to anyone…
It was NOW the school subject I hated the most….

I will continue
On another post

Pov : Bullying I

“When many fail and fall…
…I’ll stand and succeed!”

I’ve put this quote in one of my folders
Which now is a storage of memories
There I saved a sample of living hell…

But I have to say…
I learned something out of it.
Bullying was something
I experienced since primary school
It was undercovered tho…

I was a shy girl back then,
I didn’t join the others in games and plays
I was the girl who sat somewhere alone.
That time I was only made fun sometimes
It “clicked” one day when a new girl
In my class approached me on breaktime and asked me:
“Sorry to ask but…
Why do you walk like that?”

Some days or that night I asked my mom.
Then I knew…I was isolating back then already
But things drastically changed
When I went to middle school…