Relationships – Happiness

Good afternoon, dearest

I chose for today Relationships.

 

What can bring happiness?

Happiness is a state of mind,

State of spirit where no health affecting condition is noticed.

Happiness is smilling,

Happiness…it is to be with your better half,

Your companion for life.

 

Happiness can and should be built , nourished everyday.

 

Like a flower, it ought to have dedication and much love.

A flower can not blossomand bloom into something wonderful without love and appreciation.

 

Likewise, one can find his/her own potencial by looking into the «self» (our core, our soul) by himself or herself. It is possible.

But them again, the other part is missing.

Now I have met and known both

 

 

Since :

A) I stopped complaining about some flaws in me and started to acctually do something about it.

B) I started pursuing for my personal and professional goals and not allowed them to just be a «list of something I am going to do someday».

C) I embraced my body and began nourishing it as it was (and it is) my own temple, my own.

 

(under construction)

 

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Social – Friendships and Bullying POV

Good evening , dearest.

Today I had a massive headache and cold in the morning,
so I am convinced that I have to slow down, overall.

Giving a time to rest.
I think they were leftovers from the yesterday :
I was already not feeling good at work (headaches) and I was stressed up.
Those combined led to a breakdown, I suppose.  [28/5]

POV : 
As some might know, Life Blog started as my own journal and therapy.
Afterwards I believe (still do)
that I have much to say, teach and speak out
to the public or anyone willing to read me.

[29/05]
[…] Since I have started studying
I have been through highs and lows, as it is usual.
However, I have been facing some gossiping and comments from colleagues.
A situation from fifteen days ago and it was not that much of a big deal…
But it was not forgotten along with other events…

Answer to SELF : 
Yes, those gossips affected me.
The next question is : Until when ??

POV : 
I have been fragile lately but I manage to make it through the day ,
Work combined to the course along with the lack of time for resting , etc
I believe I am proud of my acchievements, because my «older self»
would just give up and give in (waving a white flag)

Instead of NOW always keeping up and pushing forward, «new self».
I admit that today I was almost to the point of wanting to cry.
But I had to keep moving and I went to my appointment.

On therapy I was reminded of the progress that I made
Since I have started until now. The psychologist is proud
and I smiled.

But she told me one thing in particular that really made me wonder …
« I know you went through a lot, , I really know.
But they do not know that. »

« You have two options :
Back away and ignore or confront and face the consequences. »

[…] «This is not bullying from high school coming back»
These words… it was like she was really reading my mind.
« It is not coming back ».
« Bullying is not coming back ».

It reassured me, it conforted me during this time of need
And I feel that to get along and to create empathy
with the psychologist/doctor/counselor is key.

About friendships…we do not need a lot of friends
Just people that are there during the good and bad times

Answer : It is not coming back and I am not going to give in.
I have personal and professional goals and nothing is going
To keep me away from them.

Many blessings !

Social – Decisions and POV’s

Good afternoon,

This has been a rather interesting journey…!

Decisions.
We all have to make them at certain point or points in our lives.

From little and insignificant ones such as
“Which color clothing am I going to pick out to wear today?” 

Or “Should I get fish or meat for dinner”?

…Up to life changing decisions that can give your life a 360º turn…

For example :

“Should I start taking a professional course, go college or start working?”

“Should I have kids or should I adopt?”

Because they have a significant impact in your life.

POV : 
We tend to ask advice, once in a while.

NOTE : Secretly, we tend to seek approval and support from other people.
I admit I did, from friends. It became too much, up to the limit
Of being way too dependent and reliable on them.
It became too much. Too overwhelming.

« I found out and discovered that, looking closely,
I wasn’t taking decisions for myself 100%,
Like I had a chackle in my ankles nearly all the time ».

This is the closest to describe and I have learned the hard way.

It is not easy to choose so. To open up this way.
This is 100% my decision.

Now looking back,
How could I let it go this far? To not be fully independent?

The beauty of life is that.
To know that the rights and wrongs of a decision
were done by YOU and you, alone.
To know that no one else carried the “blame”.
It can be scary, but we have to face our fears.

« Part of growing up is exactly to hold 
And assume the responsibility of his/her mistakes »

And… finally to know that one decision
Is NOT a burden nor has to carry weight along.

It is a decision and you have the power to choose.
You do not have to seek approval.

POV : 
It is good to have support now and then,
But people are not forced to nod their heads (yes, yes)
And simply agree all the time…

They can have different opinions and views, based or not on the situation.
It is normal.

« One who is not going through the situation 
Will have a whole diferent perception and perspective ».

Plus there is another point (question) to take to heart :

« That person, friend or individual does 
Or does not know the situation or the people involved? »

They can even be leading you to a wrong direction, 
Wrong decision or something that you do not wish to do!

« Besides this, you are NOT FORCED to make his/her opinions
The undeniable truth or something you have to go follow and do ».

To make your own decisions,
Choosing them by your own hand…

1. Will make you feel better.

2. You will become more independent.

3. You will get stronger and build confidence.

POV : 
You can feel free.
I am no longer hearing the ones who do not know my situation
Nor have walked in my shoes.
It is better off this way and I smile because I attained so.
I can decide for myself, even if I make mistakes, I am human.
I can decide for myself, the way I wish it to be.
I am… Just me… and I can be so much more.
And so can be you.

Tips to Deal with Anxiety

Good evening dearest…

I usually write during the night or during the afternoon.
Then I either post at the moment or allow Blogger to do its magic.
There is this subject…that I felt unconfortable in the past to talk about.

It is night over here and I chose to write out what I was thinking about
It is a quite personal post.

Anxiety.
Again… Anxiety.

Okay, better this way, with smaller font.
I considered anxiety to be something that held me back for some years.
As a matter of fact, it gave me quite some headaches.

I must admit, I still haven’t fully tamed this
But I am starting to find ways to cope and deal with it.

NOTE : Anxiety does not have to be a monster!
In a normal situation, it is acceptable or «normal» to feel nervous and worried

(To feel alarmed/nervous/insecure is a mechanism of the human being
To be aware of risks, to be grounded and focused to his/her surroundings)

BUT when it affects and disturbs your life, whether socially or psychologically
It is time to react and seek help!

POV :
When I am anxious I tend to think too much and barely function.
With these wrongs… :

«What if…?» , «I should have done/said (usually added with «more») » , 
«I could have done» , «What will happen?»
«It was my fault» , «I was not good enough» , 
«I am not ready for this…» , «I cannot do» …and so on…

Over and over again…

Are few examples I can give out to you.
I found and sorted out some ways to deal with it
And other ways/tips to ease my mind.

When I get TOO anxious, my stomach aches
and I honestly feel like I want to cry.
Other times, eating and sleeping gets affected.
We don’t have to live like this!

So I rushed to seek help and advice…
Oh and found out some ways to deal with this on my own.

What I do…not in any particular order

1. Think about good moments.
Anyone who you deeply love or inspires you greatly.
Someone you held dearly to your heart.

2. Have a lucky charm.
I once went to a store and a black stone caught my attention.
Onix. So I bought it and ever since, I carry it along with me.
In my pocket and near me when I am going to sleep.

3. Light up a candle once in a while.
Stare at the flame, keep an eye on it.
Just sitting and connecting with your «self»
Or even, thanking for the day.

4. I have…conquered . I have…achieved .
I confess I am still slowly adapting to this way of thought
Due to the fact that I had these negative thoughts
And reversed thinking pattern for so many years
That it is hard (NOT IMPOSSIBLE) to change.
It will take time, but I believe! I am trying this !

So the tip on point number 4 is to,
At the end of the day to say or think to yourself :

TODAY , I have conquered… (fill in) . 

TODAY , I have achieved… (fill in).

It does not matter if it was a silly or small achievement.
What matters is that your mind gain focus on that type of thoughts
So that it may feel at peace whether it is at night, before going to bed
Or whenever you need so.

An example : 

TODAY , 
I have conquered my goal of making through the day and learning properly.

TODAY , 
I have achieved what I had planned : to write for this blog.

5. RESCUE Thought.
When I am really, really anxious and I have the chance
I usually go to my bed and just stay there.
And try to breathe. Slowly…

Then , (can be a solution in other cases and combined to 5) 
I think to myself over and over and over again
As many times as needed , this :

« IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT »
« IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT »
« IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT »
« IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT »
« IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT »

NOTE : 
Thoughts are very powerful and can have a strong influence in us.
We have to reverse them, in case they are harmful.

6. Balance and Organize.
I know that something either unknown
Or unexpected is more likely to cause anxiety.
Now and then you can learn to organize your thoughts
Or your projects. That will help you deal with insecurities.

You can organize at a) mind or b) by writing out.
It can be used once in a while as a guideline or resource.

If you know what you have to do or what you will say
(for presentations) you will feel slightly less nervous
By practicing too (you can try in front of a mirror, for instance)
Presentations will become something simple.
Achievement? Your confidence will boost!

7. Write out or Talk out
I used to write my heart out or talk out with someone when I felt anxious.
It helped too… However, now
I am trying by myself to find ways (mentioned above) to cope.

8. Letting it all out
Lastly, if I do feel like I want to cry, I do cry.
If I get nervous to that point, I will…
It is better to become aware of this
Than to let those emotions burst and get out of control.

9. Reading
Reading can prove to be relaxing.
Choose your favorites
Or maybe you can choose to read a diferent type of book
One that you usually don’t read.
Or you can pick Self Improvement or Guidance books.

This was my POV and Tips for the moment.
I shall add new tips from time to time
Feel free to add any suggestions or even contact us, if you would like.

Wishing you all best.

Depression – Meds, recent POV

Good afternoon, everyone.

It has been a while since I last wrote about Depression.
I was quite skeptical on this matter [using meds for Depression]
Truth is, I feared the unknown and the past experience was not pleasant.

I grew impatient for any results or improvements to arrive.
Which did not happen as I was not able to give time to it as well.

Note : If you are reading me, this is only my point of view regarding this
However, the right medicine for me , might not be the right for you and so on.
If you are experiencing depression, besides reading
(Which is one step already!) I advise you to seek professional help
Whether it is from a psychologist or a psychiatrist, Hospital or natural alternatives.

I would also like to add and ask you not to rush things as I did.
We all aim for a solution to our problems. I know.
I have been through it. I been through ups and downs, highs and lows, «hell and back».

But I am here. And so are you.
I have plenty to write and tell right now, at this very moment.

My point of View
[…] I decided to go to my family doctor as I was feeling very anxious
and had trouble sleeping and eating (due to stomache aches, too).

She prescribed me sleeping pills, an antidepressant and some meds for my stomache.
I started taking one antidepressant [……. toLife] it says.
I was already aware some side effects, while others took me for surprise.

OUTCOME :
Over three weeks have passed since I started treatment
The first days and until at least half of the second week I felt ill as in, nausea…
I lost appetite and 5kgs at the time. I continued to have trouble sleeping.
Some even said I was reaching the point of exhaustion.

But I kept on this treatment and held on onto it.
Plus I was still having appointments at a local psychology college
Giving up was and is not an option. Ever.

So I mainly took the decision of finding ways, tools, resources to relax.
To send any traces of anxiety away. I had to learn to wait.
Because I found out that if I was not that anxious,
I was going to be able to eat and sleep properly, with time.

Afterwards, I am still having a bit of trouble with eating
But my goal is to gain the weight again
Besides feeling better in all the other aspects of Life.
I noticed that I have been feeling calm and I am gaining energy again.
It is getting easier to sleep.

I am hoping to be back on track, renewed.
That and all the other steps I took ,
I shall leave them for another post.

Blessings.

Depression – Being Assertive

Good morning !

What is assertiveness?
Assertive is…saying no without saying “no”.
It is standing up, for ourselves and defending our opinions and rights.

As far as I am concerned, being assertive is NOT the same as being rude or agressive.
It takes tact and expertise to know the right occasions / oportunities
To make use of Assertiveness.


“We are not born Being assertive, already. We learn it…”

Remember that you will not be assertive at once.
It requires time!

Why is it important?
Because sometimes we need to stand for our opinions and gain control over our lives ;
We cannot always allow people to take advantage nor use us.
By using Assertiveness you will feel less stress and, therefore, raise your self esteem
Along with point three, you will be able to give out your opinion.

With this technique, we can fight Depression 
and other problems or symptoms such as anxiety, insecurity,
lack of self confidence and poor relationships.
Situations of avoidance and frustration can be diminished as well.


Points to keep in mind : 

+ Body language is important too as it is needed for it to match the atitude.

+ You need to be serious yet pleasant.

+ Focus on what matters and on the problems.

+

  • Use “I” statements. Keep the focus on the problem you’re having, not on accusing or blaming the other person. Example: “I’d like to be able to tell my stories without interruption.” instead of “You’re always interrupting my stories!”
  • Use facts, not judgments. Example: “Your punctuation needs work and your formatting is inconsistent” instead of “This is sloppy work.” or “Did you know that shirt has some spots?” instead of “You’re not going out looking like THAT, are you?”
  • Express ownership of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions. Example: “I get angry when he breaks his promises.” instead of “He makes me angry.” or “I believe the best policy is to…” instead of “The only sensible thing is to …”
  • Make clear, direct, requests. Don’t invite the person to say no. Example: “Will you please … ?” instead of “Would you mind … ?” or “Why don’t you … ?”


Sources : http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/assertive/SR00042

School – Bullying Events

Good evening, my readers ;

After taking some time out to read and learn,
I have been thinking about some major events that happened during my teenage days:
Bullying, that is.
Specifically, through middle and high school and even, after that.

I decided to share with you some major events of my own life.
Note : I do not know if the ones I will write about in this post will ever come across this,
Yet, I will give it a shot.

I have had ups and downs through out my life.


Middle School :

Situation ONE 
There was a boy called Wilson.
He was suspended and out of school at the time.
I was inside of the school and he was off the of the limits of it.
He started to make fun of me (the same old names).
I stood still at first, and stared at him.
Then I walked closer towards him.
There was a big wall and a metal bars (grids?) separating both.
We started talking. I gave advise to him, in order for him to study somewhere else.
He thanked me and told me that “I was a good person, overall”.
Situation TWO
(Years later) 
A group of three boys would torment me during the school time break.
(The same that on 9th grade insulted and nearly beaten me 
at a bus stop while waiting for the same bus as them)
After the conversation their teacher had with them…
Days later , they appologized to me. 

High School :

Situation THREE
Another Physical Ed. Class. 
I think it was that or I was made fun at, at the time.
I was sitting and crying on the bus.
This old lady hugged and told me “everything was going to be alright”.
I didn’t know her and she didn’t knew me.
It meant the world to me and I will never forget that.
Situation FOUR
When I gained courage to enter a poetry contest.
My classmates knew about it, eventually.
They supported me and started to gain interest about my work, my writings.
The final result on the contest was first place and three books as an award.

Out of School :

Situation FIVE
At a Part Time Job.
I was leaving the building and heading towards the bus stop.
There, I found one of the persons that had made fun of me in the past.
He was completly diferent and happy to know that I had a job at the time.
With this , I want to bring a message of Hope to you
And guarantee that: 

” No matter how cloudy and stormy your day, your life is
That there will be better mornings and better moments “.
Respectfully.