Learning to Forgive?

Well… before I write my thoughts on the matter
I want to leave you a question
It is personal at the same time I must add…

If someone hurt you
And you hurt year after year…
Would you be able to put things behind your back
And forgive ?

…My point of View now :
We personally aren’t forced to forgive
But I’m not a person of “revenges” and “paybacks”
So I kept it a little inside of me.
I still dwell around this.
I don’t say for you to take all the pain out from you
All at once, but slowly starting to forgive

I know it is hard, still until today
I am recovering from self esteem issues
Due to bullying.

I did not cut fully the contact
I had with those classmates
Many went through separate ways
Which is helpful for my recovery
Talking/writing it out is helpful as well
I won’t be able to get rid of problems that formed in years
In few sessions/appointments.
I’m trying to get help whenever and wherever I can
I advice you to do the same and to reach for friends
In case anything happens someone will catch you
And hear you.

I am trying to forgive
My religion teaches to forgive
And love. So I’m taking my steps for so.
With due time and support I will do this.
And I believe in you to do the same

p.s.: Any doubt envolving, God , religion and such
Search here 🙂 –
www.gotquestions.org

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A Letter to Whoever reads…

I might not be fully aware
Of your problems or of your suffering
However I am honest on what I’m writting
And on what I want out of this blog.

Do not ever fear sending a message
Or asking for support.
Asking for help is NOT a weakness.
If you recognize a issue, it is already a step
To recovery.
And no one has the right on judging you on that.

People are there to help
You whetever you choose any of the contacts
I left in the contact page

Or if you decide it is time
To reach out for someone…
I probably do not know everyone
Or any of the persons that see this blog
One rule and what I as for is to be polite.

But one thing I am sure…
For some reason you stepped in here.
You do not want to end your life,
You just want a change…

I know…
You want to be seen
You want to be heard
You want to be appreciated
You want too, a chance to improve.
As someone told me, your time is NOW!

It is your life, your chance.
Your life, the only one we have (that we know of)
p.s.: Only change if necessary,
Not because others tell you to.

And change isn’t “getting to something worse”
It can be improving yourself,
As someone dear to me once told me.
So , and finishing this letter
I wish you good luck ! (L)
Keep up the positive thinking 😛

(About my writing…
No negative thoughts are allowed in this blog
Except if in certain subjects
Because they have the function
Of making people aware
And to make people learn = lessons
Again, this has no purpose on being triggering
Just a helping blog
Therefore I want to make people feel good while reading)

I wish you good luck
In your life projects and goals.
Thank you for taking the time to read
And too, for some people to be here for me.

Life

Recovery I

I did not make this blog in vain…
I did not make this blog
without reasons or purpose.
I’m not talking as the person
Who tells to “snap out” of it
I’m talking as the person who has it.

My opinion on possible recovery for depression
Don’t go 100% for meds.
Unless it is really serious.

(Which in my case I am starting
To believe it is mild and
I can try and do this)

Seek a psychologist for a start
Or phone numbers
(More about it check the page called Info and Support
I will activate the links soon 🙂 )

Therefore I would like to ask you something:
Do not answer here (or answer only if you want)
What is distressing you?
What is the source of the pain?

I once saw this video…it had wise words
It was basically,
What is hurting and bothering you,
Cut it from the root OR speak it out.
I know. I know…extreme.

A point…
– If a friend is hurting you, if someone is bothering you
Why you are even waste your time talking with him/her?

– If someone online is insulting you…
Block, delete. Close or change account if necessary.

– If someone is tormenting you on the phone…
Delete the messages, report it or change number
But please do not let it build inside of you.
Focus on what is trying to make you feel better
On things you did/still enjoy or try finding new hobbies.

Search for new friends;
Do not forget
The good, true old friends

You can do it.
Organizations and social group places
Or even a good hobby can be a fresh start.
It can open doors and allow you to meet people.

Meeting people can be good and healthy ;
I mentioned about it
On my post Beyond Reason I.
I joined a church group.
I’ve been welcomed there like I never was before
And before I was a loner,
I was a what people call outcast.
I am not ashamed of saying this.
I want YOU to know this example.

Because if I do and will beat this, you will too.
I know cases of people who beat this and are ALIVE
And believe me that they (as I am) are glad to be alive.
You will get through this! 😛

Besides the fact that I know if I fall,
I won’t stand alone.
I will get up, I have support.
Someone will try and catch me.

God if you want to put religion on this as well.
And you?
You will have people
And you are mostly welcome
To read this blog anytime. (L)

Beyond Reason II

I felt like I could talk and open up,
I got to know more and new people.
And amongst the people
…I found my best friend !

Who was happy to see me.
She smiled and we hugged eachother.
I met another person, then.
We talked. She took me to the bathroom.

There stood a mirror on the wall…
Another chalenge…
She said I had to convince myself
That I was pretty
(I have and had problems with self esteem and such)
So she told me to look at the mirror, closely.

She said :
“There I see a beautiful girl!
A girl who is capable of things
A girl with a purpose
And whose life is going to get better
I know it!
And you have to believe in it
(Along other things…)”

She said then to say that
“I was thankful to God for being that beautiful”
And I got shy… until I said it.
She told me to do that every day.
They say they want to help me
Without asking anything much in return
Or anything at all.

They added that I will have a purpose.
I will be sucessful in Life
That I must believe in Him (…)
I felt a little better afterwards.

Just know that I am trying to pick up
The pieces of my Life…
Not to fear a possible Future
And not to be SO afraid of Loving someone
Or even of being Loved…
The reason that has been blocking me…
From loving someone
Is a big nearly unexplainable fear

…Beyond perhaps reason itself.
I can’t be defeated.
I can’t allow this to take the best of me.
I can’t give up and put things to waste.

It was a good experience
I intend on going there more often
They are expecting me to appear more too…
Tomorrow perhaps.

In the end me and my best friend left
We talked more and then
Went through separate ways
I will go there tomorrow again. (L)

Beyond Reason I

I would like to share something
Although I don’t have a clue
If whoever reads this is Christian or not.
But I am one.
For some reasons, some personal…
…Others beyond reason itself.

You may think I am fool…
I do question myself why am I alive
I had quite some chances of dying.
People say I walk here for some purpose.
So I’m starting to believe as well.
I think I told previously…

Today I was to go to see this group…
I arrived late to where me
And my best friend were supposed to meet
The other time I went back home.

This time it was diferent I was there,
I wouldn’t just give up
I asked people about the group
And they had no clue,

So I kept walking and kept walking…
At last I saw this temple in ways…
This building I could see people inside
And outside of the building;

I asked myself…
If that was the place
My best friend told me about…
Then the sun started to hit me in the face,
Only on that side of the road, in there, at me.

Proceeding…
I was staring a lot,
And asked myself “Is it here…”
The sun kept shining
And I was like “Maybe it is here…”

I was unsure,
I was almost leaving until this guy
Found me and asked if I would like
And if I was interested to see/know that place.

I stopped for a second or two…
I replied , looking at him:
– I don’t know.

He asked me if I believed in God.
I said :
– Yes.

He tried to convince me saying
It would be nice
And that maybe I would like that place.
So I went ; I had nothing to lose.
He asked what were my troubles…
I said: ” I have depression— “

He replied:
“Your depression has ended.
It ends TODAY!, NOW!”.

I was shocked…
Honestly because I have it over a year already
And someone tells me that all of a sudden….
It surprises me because I’ve been struggling
And trying to beat it for a long time.

I met a girl after who talked with me a while
And took me where a meeting was happening
Speeches, prayers and blessings
Where taking place too.

People were listening faithfully and closely.
First time so I was really shy…
Some people tried to bless me.
Others prayed.

Then there was a part where they were singing
And dancing, even.
It was fun and people seemed happy.
…Beyond words.

Chapter IV

“So drop the little razor
And pick up your Life
Forget about your pain and your strife”

Relapse xxxxxx
…I wish it was that easy ;
Not the actual drop the razor point
But what comes along with it…
It is tempting…

My head is messing me up
I’m sad during most of the day
My energies are drained
I feel like I died
Dead already
Long ago….
And I either want to recover myself
Or else. It is confusing!

Then I don’t know…
I’ve been reading several articles
Which still try to make me feel a litle down to earth
I’ve been trying to stabilize too.
I believe that as long as I try to write it out
Here mostly. Talking it out…
And holding on, that I’ll be stable.

Now to some quotes and such…

“Let’s take control over our Lives
And not allow the opposite to happen “.

“Never give up” – Winston Churchill.

“Most difficult decisions is deciding
Which bridges to cross
And which bridges to burn “.

This last one was from someone
On this site…I mean the site…
I saw several websites…
Kinda make people wake up in ways.
I don’t want to hurt people ;

Plain simple :
I just want my depression to end.
The website I don’t recall the name of the 1st

But the second was this one :

www.suicide.org

Do not judge because of the name.
It has…wise words in it.
And due to those words I decided
To share it with you * take care…

Music I

I decided to put some songs
Instead of text nearly all the time
Music can “speak” sometimes more
And louder than words themselves
Personally , I like rock 😛

And the so called Christian bands
I like are really few.
Anyways, I decided to post some of them
Here… They have a lot of meaning ;
Hope you like it…

p.s.: Next posts I will post songs
Does not matter if they are religious / christian
I’ll post for these reasons :

1. I either liked them and decided to share
2. It is beautiful or inspiring
3. It has touching/meaningful lyrics.